I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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