A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
