I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
