Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
