The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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