Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
