So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
