I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
