there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
