So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
