He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
