I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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