oh god the rape fog is back!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
