oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
