I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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