I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
