Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she told me i tasted like america
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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