i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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