i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
