would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
