You made me cry and you don't even care
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
