you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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