Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
