you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
