The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
