i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
