Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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