There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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