After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
