My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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