grandma shit on top of the toilet
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
