I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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