the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
