Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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