Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
