kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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