You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
