god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
