I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
