Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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