kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
