i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
