Whod you bang
She's JV to your varsity
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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