:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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