pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
