And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
