it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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