youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
