dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
