Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
