mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
sex in a hospital.. check
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
