I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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