I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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