i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
