i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is Oprah even human
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
