i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
