I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
