next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
