At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
