they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
