So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
