Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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