We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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