and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
