I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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