I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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