I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
