he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
