question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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