I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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