All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
