You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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