So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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