I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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