I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
