i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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