His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
