you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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