my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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