Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
