filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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